In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
