her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
