I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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