im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Randomize
