it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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