You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
