I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
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