i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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