she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
They have beer where we have blood.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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