nutella sex= disaster
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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