after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
