I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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