the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
God gave him joint rollers for hands
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
