How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
