I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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