I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
