I faked an abortion last night.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
