Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
