I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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