Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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