When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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