You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
