apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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