Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
