Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
did i just pee glitter
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