she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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