This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize