he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
