There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
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