dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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