Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
