to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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