walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
