so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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