dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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