haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
