You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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