I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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