I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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