I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You pole danced in your parka.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
