It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize