Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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