HIV tests are more positive than that guy
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
