It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
