Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
