Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
