i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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