you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
