and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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