no, he came in my armpit
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
