theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
