Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize