i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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