yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize