just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
