My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
