i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
How naked do you want me to be?
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