i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
