I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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