there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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