Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
