if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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