Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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