I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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