fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
