Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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